Happy Hemp Holidays, stoner fans! I’m Penguin Pete, your Jester of Joints, ready to toss off another one of our Dab Connection Holiday Gift Guides for cannabis enthusiasts. The US cannabis industry has swerved and drifted through yet another year of obstacles both natural and man-made, now we get to enjoy the fruits of the first harvest after the early hemp revolutions. We’ll get to this.
Holiday (Christmas) Gift List Rules: Must be legal to ship to all 50 US states. This precludes cannabis consumables of any kind – we cover those in other places. For instance, look to our 7/10 list for best dabbing concentrates, Bert Blaze’s 4/20 gift recommendations, or our recent Golden Buddha Awards 2023 for the best stuff I reviewed personally all year. Finally, we tend to advocate the fanciest stuff and most out-of-the-usual ideas for the Christmas list, because you know, gifts. We actually have lists like this and many more crawling all over the lists tag, if you’re in a snacky-scrolly mood.
Prices as we list them are from the time of review/quoted on site, not guaranteed. They’re just there for fast buying decisions.
Cannabis-Related Pipes, Vapes, and Rigs
Cipher-Nautilus Churchwarden Pipe Vape Kit – Total $114.98
For just plain style and novelty, you can’t beat this imaginative set for the character on your list. Vape your favorite dry herb and look awesome doing it, with your choice of three different pipe stems and a selection of colors and designs to choose from. Cosplay opportunities include Gandalf, Sherlock Holmes, and even Santa himself! Just the kind of gift to blend practicality and fun.
Lookah Bear 510 Cartridge Battery – $30
You would have a bear of a time finding a cuter, more appealing pocket cartridge vape than this utterly mod bear battery. I mean look at it! I defy you to look into the swirling, twinkling eyes of its gaze and not want to give it a loving forever home. Not only is it cute, but comes in an array of colors in this knock-out Daftpunk-meets-Devo design. The power button is its cute little nose! Help, I’m melting like a cheap chocolate Santa in a stocking!
Tank Glass Bong – $209
Few reviews by our review staff have left as much of an impression as Kira just lobbing a glass bong around, risking her carpet to demonstrate its indestructibility. Tank Glass is legendary for its nigh-indestructible glass bongs, which come with a lifetime warranty! We all know that one friend who is always breaking their stuff; for $200 you never have to listen to their broken-bong story again.
Yocan Black Phaser Max eRig – $160
An eRig is an eRig, but I’m telling you that my hand has been as good as glued to this rig since I got it. It is just such a cool union of style and utility. The trigger design heralds a new era when manufacturers finally recognize the video game generation. The one-button warm-up is dead easy to use, dabs last for a dozen puffs at least, and it looks so cool that we’re sure Dr. Who must have one. Yes, your stoner friend probably has an eRig or two lying around if they’ve discovered the wonders of live resin at all. But this still makes a cool portable side rig, or a backup rig for the nightstand. It fits in a cupholder! It’s just fun to use, and clumsy-klutz-proof.
Other Cannabis-Related Gear
Yocan Green Personal Air Filters – $19.99
This is one of those “stoner who has everything” items. They make good stocking-stuffer-sized gifts, cheap enough that you could buy multiples, come in custom whimsical-animals-and-such shapes so it’s a little bit personalized, and are a very diplomatic way to get the stoner in your life to perhaps make less odor. It’s a niche idea, but uncannily on-target for that eccentric aunt who’s into cannabis and whales, is a staunch environmentalist, and lives with a partner who complains about her smoke. Some people go out of their way to be hard to shop for, you know?
HØJ Klip Grinder – $179
A weed grinder is a practical gift that anyone would recommend for a stoner. But it’s also the most boring gift you can give outside of socks. Unless you’re talking about the HØJ Klip, which is like if you turned the problem of grinding weed over to an entire MIT engineering class and gave them DOD-level funding to research the most high-tech solution possible. They would have equipped it with laser scopes and artificial intelligence but decided to reserve that for 2.0. I mean this thing is so pretty that it’s a shame to mash cannabis pulp and terpenes all over it. Nobody buys a grinder this fancy for their own use, that’s why it’s a gift.
Lokkboxx Humidor Stash Box – $215
This is a can’t-miss gift for something that any stoner will find useful, but wouldn’t think to look for on their own. “Where do I keep my weed” sounds like a low-priority problem, but once you get spoiled by fresh, tasty herb kept at controlled humidity, you won’t know how you lived before. Comes in a knock-out beautiful wooden chest that looks great in any decor, and includes a grinder, keif-coiner, and other oddball accessories. Makes your bong session 100x fancier, so you’ll only want to smoke in formal wear with a monocle from now on.
Plain Jane CBD Self-Care Bundle – $44.99
A reminder that just because it’s cannabis-related doesn’t mean it gets you high! Really soak in that CBD, enjoying the soothing effects of hemp-based therapy in roll-on, body butter, or bath bomb form. Staff reviewer Denise had nothing but good things to say about the kit, and Plain Jane is an established brand name in topicals / bath&beauty products.
Sisters of the Valley Christmas Bundle – $50.09 to $142.28
This one’s kind of a stretch, because Sisters of the Valley has this wonky cult following but honestly we’ve seen better bargain prices elsewhere. But when staff reviewer Denise reviewed a similar bundle, she reports the products were good quality. THAT review now links to a 404 page because they switched bundles on us. Of the current Christmas bundles, the one with the coffee mug and mushroom coffee looks interesting and gift-ready.
Hemper Subscription Boxes – $39.99 per box
Subscription boxes come and go in this business, but Hemper has managed to hang in there. While some boxes are hit and miss, over time they balance out to a steady supply of glass, smoking gear, and stoner supplies, and trinkets. From practical stuff like cleaning supplies that everyone can use, to the occasional fancy carb cap tool or extra rolling tray, always with a fun glass piece which, at the least, makes for good guest bongs and loaners.
Miscellaneous Stuff and Shout-Outs
Looking for more ideas? Why not try browsing our stoner forum and see if there’s any products that grab your attention? Daresay, you could even join and poll your weed fam directly.
Here’s the part where I have to give a shout-out to my creative posse and associates. Because some of you stoners are looking for entertainment to enjoy over a session or two, no?
The Old Flame: A Pulpland Story by Clyde Wrenn – $14.99 paperback
Find it here.
Clyde Wrenn is a talent familiar to any of you following the Average Joe Travels the California Inscape audio-drama podcast, where he writes the odd episode. He’s also a published author of the Pulpland series, now at book 3. Clyde is an authentic homegrown Rust Belt bard who weaves improbable universes of occult powers, ancient conspiracies, and quirky characters to create light entertainment that won’t tax your weed-addled noggin too badly.
366 Weird Movies Yearbooks – various prices
Find them here, for the years 2010 to the present.
Let’s get to the bottom line: If you use recreational drugs, chances are you watch movies (what goes better with a bowl anyway?). If you do, chances are that you’re sick of scrolling through the same stuff on streaming or the limited selection at your usual hard media outlet. Well, here’s a book full of the past year’s most unusual, fringe, indie, and of course WEIRD movies, both new releases and new media of old releases. They do this every year, and I can tell yah because I’ve had a long-running gig as one of their movie reviewers. So some of yours truly’s writing goes into the occasional book; in case you can’t get enough of me. Don’t ask me how, but I do have the occasional fan.
Readers, share your last-minute gift ideas: What to get the stoner who already has everything? Play Santa in the comments here or in our holly jolly forum.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS and many happy sessions, from the staff at Dab Connection!