Honestly, folks, we try our best here. We devote pages to our crusade for a world with legalized substances for responsible adults to enjoy. We have a vision of a world of transparency in ingredient listings and extraction processes, third-party testing, responsible adult packaging that tells you what you’re getting, and – the whole point of this legalization business – quality products that have the effects we’re looking for. Does this not sound like a good idea to everyone else?
Vendors have been flooding us with offers to review their mushroom gummy products. Following suit, your humble author has been a volunteer guinea pig all year long, gabbling these sugary, gross-tasting gummies by the bagful and then sitting there playing the waiting game. Three-quarters of the time, what is my reward for this? No psychoactive effects, and a new layer of fat from all the calories. This feels like Super Size Me where I have to live on gummy calories exclusively and somehow not shut down in a diabetic coma.
After about a dozen different brands, sampling my way through the varieties of Amanita Muscaria gummies on the market, my findings are that most of these are just crap. They have no psychedelic effects; they have no ambient microdose effects. They are bereft of effects. I might as well be eating paper.
Were it not for the few lucky breakthroughs, I would have written off all Amanita mushroom gummies as a big fat scam. Anybody could get that impression after a few disappointing bags. That’s a shame, because the few companies that get Amanita gummies right are doing God’s own psychedelics work, and yet they’re impossible to find among the flakes. I have had mushroom gummies that made me see stars, lifted my spirits to soar the heavens, and gave me a new appreciation for the psychedelic trip. I swear this is possible. Unfortunately, most of you will never get to experience this until we clear all the garbage out of the way!
Trouble-Shooting the Mushroom Gummy Market
I have so far attempted, with every ounce of faith in human nature I have left in my dusty spiritual carafe, to give companies the benefit of the doubt. That is, I have not attributed to malice that which can be explained by mere dumbness. In the case of mushroom gummies, this is a pioneer market that didn’t exist until just now, and the industry needs time to sort out the ins and outs of mushroom extraction. Clearly.
So when I take mushroom gummies that have less effect than an aspirin despite dosing well beyond the recommended limit, I keep in mind the following caveats:
- Amanita Muscaria is famously variable in potency; two mushrooms from the same batch will have wildly variable levels of active ingredients.
- Amanitas contain ibotenic acid, which must be decarbed into muscimol before having a psychoactive effect; this process may need some more research
- Potency is too weak across the board. The range for psychedelic effects, in my experience, begins at a dosage of around ~6000MG up to about ~12000MG (going by the packaging, claiming so many MG of Amanita per gummy). Gummies are still coming along with 350MG dosage.
- However, I have taken as small as a 200MG dose and still felt something, even if only ancillary side effects.
- We can’t objectively review ambient microdose effects. Yes, we know some users take mushroom gummies for this reason, but results are hard enough to verify at trip doses.
- Psychedelics in North America are one big unregulated anarchy party.
Even after I account for all of the above, I’m still seeing a shocking percentage of rip-offs. There is, and will always be, an undercurrent of North American businesses who don’t care beans about integrity and regard their own customers as idiots. This is a factor in any product market. So I am convinced that there are “companies” out there that are just in business to rip us off until we get wise, just as in the fake cartridges market.
Be that as it may, I HAVE found some mushroom gummy companies that do it right. As I say, when I do find the real McCoy, it’s a joyous experience. For the record, the mushroom gummy brands I have tried so far which pack in as much potency as they claim, are Smilyn, Mushroom Lyfe, Minnesota Nice, and Hometown Hero.
So much for the good guys. But today, we’re here to talk about the bad guys…
Vida Cap: Sample Size Too Small
This is my second time looking at a jar of Vida Cap Amanita Gummies. The jar has eight gummies, 500MG of Amanita per gummy. This means the entire jar (40 calories and eight grams of sugar) gives you 4000MG of Amanita, a dose frustratingly too small to have to register psychedelic effects. The last time I got these, I dutifully gulped them down and logged nil results. I didn’t bother with a review because it’s impossible to conclude anything from 4000MG. You’re trying to fill a gas tank with an eyedropper here. So they apparently sent this sample again, faithfully repeating the same mistake.
We’ve tried to communicate with distributors about this issue, and will continue to try. As for Vida Cap, I can’t even fully review these because who knows, maybe 6000MG is the point where they kick in. But here they are, and at $34.99 apiece, I’m not paying upwards of $70 for two jars just to test that theory.
Moon Wlkr : Mission Aborted
I wanted to like Moon Wlkr. I like their packaging, which is appealing enough without being over the top (see the next entry for the packaging that gave me PTSD). They seem up and up. The two bags they sent were only 4000MG each, but the two together would net me 8000MG for only ten gummies, enough for at least a mild trip. Finally, I could actually taste the mushroom in these, which is not an experience most seek out but does confirm that there are actual mushrooms involved. Yet after downing both bags and waiting dutifully – nothing!
What went wrong? Who knows! Here they are, at $29.99 per 5-gummy bag, that would again be some sixty bucks to feel nothing and keep up my sugar quota.
Yumz: Not Even Trying
I was disgusted with Yumz before I even opened the bag. Here I am, trying my hardest to protect end consumers, volunteering my health and metal stability to test random experimental psychedelics, struggling to make sense of this emerging court jester of a market… and in the middle of all that trouble, somebody decided that MY JOB JUST IS NOT HARD ENOUGH and packaged gummies in this useless, trashy hologram-print ink!
Dear packager: YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!
It says “do not exceed” something something… Sounds like a warning that might be important. Too bad we can’t READ the stupid thing! This packaging turns this product into a stupid insult, a condescending, dismissive attitude towards us “junkies” who are supposed to be too stupid to care what we put in our bodies and too ignorant to read anyway. Who cares what we think? Just slap a bunch of shiny trippy colors on the bag until it looks like Walt Disney threw up on it and send it out to market – those suckers will buy ANYTHING!
Aren’t you tired of being treated that way? Well they will keep treating you that way until you stand up and demand better. These samples were provided for free, which is the only reason I’d give this retarded gas station package the time of day. It says that I’m taking 7000MG of something per bag. Tried one bag – nothing happened – onward. It even says “Amanita Muscaria enhanced” which probably means “ha ha we didn’t even bother with the actual mushroom, we just thought about it real hard.”
I’m not even linking to these or looking up the price. Don’t waste your time on Yumz. Look for companies that don’t insult you to your face, at least they want your business.
Previously: Galaxy Treats Left Me Hitchhiking
A while back we evaluated Galaxy Treats’ offering, Amanita Muscaria gummies at 7500MG per bag. I rated them 3.8, no effects, which is sadly the same I can say for the rest of this rogue’s gallery. In lieu of a full review for any of these, you could take the Galaxy Treats review and just replace the brand name. No effect means its just a plain sugar gummy. Who’s paying $30-40 a bag for those?
In the case of Galaxy Treats, we’ve reviewed their products before, and found some to be satisfactory. We see galaxy Treats offered in dispensaries. We know they’re in all likelihood a company trying to provide a product consumers will want.
So… what is the problem?
As I say from my brief list of mushroom gummy success stories, Smilyn, Mushroom Lyfe, Minnesota Nice, and Hometown Hero managed to get it right.
We know it’s not Mission Impossible here.
Amanita Mushrooms Should Not Be This Hard To Get Right
Quite simply, Amanita Muscaria is a cheap, abundant, plentiful fungus that grows naturally all over the world. So to speak, it’s the “weed” of psychoactive mushrooms. Its usage has been documented for decades, going back to the old world shamans and European holiday customs. To trip off Amanitas, you get the mushroom, boil it to decarb ibotenic acid into muscimol, and then eat it. You basically need a stove and a saucepan. Amanita Muscaria is 100% legal in most of the world too, an unusual status of freedom granted to an etheogen.
So what is the hold-up???
Even given the above variables and fudge factors, I would expect that as companies go on blindly shoving mushrooms into gummies, they would accomplish a 50% success rate by sheer brute force of production. Yet the stats are even worse than that. We would not tolerate this slipshod standard in any other product’s market. There’s no reason to settle for less in the psychedelics market. Or the cannabis market, for that matter.
Readers – READERS! – Am I the lone ranger here? Do you all not care about the products you buy with your hard earned money expecting a state of mind in reward? Are you not angry when you get ripped off? Should I be more lenient in what I expect from a basic consumer transaction? Say what you will about alcohol and tobacco; I never got stiffed buying those. The mushroom market has had enough time to get their act together – it’s time to demand some consumer security, especially given a product which some users reach for to help treat disorders and medical issues.
To the comments then, or our message forum haunted by the ghosts of parties past.
A psychedelic trip is a deeply personal thing, and being messed with in this mentally holiest of spaces is a cruel thing. Psychedelics industry, please understand that your customer is surrendering themselves to your trust, willing to put themselves in a vulnerable psychological state to experience your product. Why be a dick to them?
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