Hemper Box Candy Monster | Not a Monstrous Value

Hello again, festive holiday people! Our December review crunch continues and we’re back to Hemper again. Yesterday we unpacked the Hemper Chinese Takeout Box. Today we have the Hemper Candy Monster Box. Will it be on Sativa Santa’s gift list?

This is apparently one of their past subscription boxes. Their 1-box order for the current subscription is $39.99, or a pre-paid 3-month subscription box order is $107.97, for an average of $35 per box. However, once the box rotates out of subscription, it is only available in the “theme box” section. The current price on the Hemper Candy Monster Box is $100, and claimed to have “$125 retail value.”

Needless to say, I’d definitely recommend the 3-box subscription rate. They’re going to have to come down on the past theme box prices (all I see are $100 and up), because only the 3-box rate is close to a reasonable price.

Bonus Buck: We did a quick video review for the third box in the series, the Hemper Milk & Cookies Box, then we wrap for the series.

Pros:

• Creative glass
• Imaginative theming
• Quality products
• Ships overseas

Cons:

• Price too high at the past box rate
• Not enough box value
• Not only stuffed with filler but the exact same filler as the last box

Recommendation: Drop the theme box prices down. Put more variety into the box filler. Oh, and if you’re going to have a theme every month, try to have more items follow the theme than just the glass and packaging.

The Scariest Thing About This Monster is the Price

To reiterate my point from last review, I deeply sympathize with whomever is in charge of picking box selections. They are certainly trying to make these imaginative and fun, and the glass is top notch. But the rest of the box, except the cleaning fluid, is the same chaff I pulled out of the Chinese takeout box.

So we have $100 at their past “theme box” rate, and this is basically a snazzy glass piece with a neat box themed after it, and then a handful of padding. Get ready for “second verse, same as the first.”

The standard issue Clipper lighter without any design on it. And the standard pack of preroll cones.

A couple 2-pack of quick hitters. I’ve tried these and they are nice, being biodegradable and discreet. But also the identical to the pair of 2-packs I pulled yesterday. Also here again, we have the world’s most infectious subscription box contents, the hemp wick. Another donation to the macrame owl project I’m saving up for.

We have again the glass filter, same as the Chinese Takeout box. I looked it up and the video on the site shows somebody using the filter in a rolled joint, so that confirms what I had guessed. I can appreciate the reusable filter, but having it be glass is questionable.

The other item: We finally have a winner! The bottle of Kryptonite cleaner is definitely a useful and practical choice. I have even suggested this in past subscription box reviews. At least this is one item I will be using.

Note: Once again, we had *NO* items on-theme for “candy” or “monster” up to the glass itself.

The glass itself. You have the title “candy monster” bong, and two attachments for flower or dabs. The flower bowl is a bit bigger than others I’ve seen, and the banger is very basic. The glass is the only substantial box value; I could see spending $40-$60 on the total glass pieces.

The Rate For Past Subscription Theme Boxes is Outrageous

With the Chinese Takeout box yesterday, I could at least say that it was just worth the subscription rate. But at the theme box rate of $100, I do not see $100 value here. And worse yet, the repetition of the same filler items from the last box is absolutely inexcusable. Hemper offers a huge variety of products on their site, including many under-$20 items that would fit in here and still allow a profit.

Compare The Dab Kit from the Cheefkit line of boxes I reviewed a bit back. That was $104 and we totaled a conservative $216 retail value, and it wasn’t just filler either, but jam-packed with cool stuff! That’s closer to what I expect for a Franklin. Come to that, even The Sensi Box was comparable to the Candy Monster box in value and it goes for $39 or a 12-month subscription rate of about $31/box. Are you feeling the heat from the competition, Hemper?

At the standard subscription, however, the $35 price point per box is far more sensible. I *guess* that maybe the theme box pricing is there to compel you to sign up for the 3-box rate – one-third the price.

In all fairness, I can see the selection of past theme boxes and Hemper has pulled off the occasional win with past boxes. There’s themes for anything you can imagine, and past boxes had some variety in items. To be sure, I’d rank Cosmic Bong Box, the Space Car Box, or the Jack the Ripper box far more favorably. So perhaps it evens out over time. Maybe I just happened to get the two lemons.

Final Summation

I’d only recommend getting the subscription rate, or browsing through the theme box archives for past boxes offering better selections.

Subscription boxes for any industry have to pull off a delicate balancing act between being cost-effective, and offering supplies that cannabis enthusiasts will actually use. So as always, your mileage may vary. Maybe there’s some collector’s value in novelty bongs, and maybe you have a wide network of stoner friends to whom you can barter box contents.