We all get it, vapes are here to stay. We like vapes here. We just don’t like the black market ones, because who wants garage-made boof from amateur home chemists?
But we hate it even more when they rip off a popular franchise, especially one loved by children. Why do we need that? Would you package cigarettes or booze that way? Just look at these ridiculous specimens:
#1: Spongebob Squarepants
This is the kind of thing we have a special snit about. Come on, little kids watch this show. True, ol’ cheese-head is still popular with all age demographics and memed all over the web anyway, but that’s because it appeals to the kid at heart. Anywho, if you sell an adult product in packaging which a five-year-old could mistake as something for them, you’re a dick.
#2: Monopoly Carts
Just to show how wild it’s gonna get here, this is an example of black market packaging that makes no sense whatsoever. Of all the board games, why Monopoly? Then let’s double down by using completely random cartoon characters. It’s not many places where you can see the same product sporting characters from Harvey Comics, Fleischer Studios, and Disney. They still use the Monopoly man mascot (his name is Rich Uncle Pennybags, now you know), just so you know that the package printers actually have no idea what they’re doing.
#3: Boom Carts (Marvel & D.C. comics)
Boom, a name which warns you how hard you’ll hit the floor after vaping one, prints random comic characters rendered by some nameless sweatshop artist, or possibly even ripped off from a DeviantArt shop for all we know. Mostly Marvel, but they drift in D.C. too. Likely because they don’t know the difference.
#4: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
We contacted the spirit of the late genius Gene Wilder to find out how he felt about his character being used to hawk boof drugs. He climbed straight out of the Ouija board and swore to find those responsible and kick them right in their everlasting gobstoppers.
#5: Star Wars
Of course you knew this was coming. Insert your own Yoda jokes here. By the way, there should be a national “Talk Like Yoda” day just like with the pirates. And we’re not the only ones to discover Star Carts (stupid puns!). This cartoonist sums it up:
See? THAT’S how you pun! Darth Vaper! Leave it to the experts.
#6: Power Puff Girls
It is inevitable that the Power Puff Girls would show up on vape cartridges. Black market dealers just can not resist a name with “puff” in it. We’re surprised there isn’t a “Puff the Magic Dragon” cartridge, and if there is one, please do not tell us.
#7: Super Mario Brothers
It’s hard to believe how anybody can buy these. You out there, do you like having your intelligence insulted? Do you actually believe that Nintendo would sign on for this? If so, what kind of mushrooms have you been eating?
#8: Cereal Mascots (various)
This one is especially baffling. Somewhere early on in the original black market vape wave, somebody thought “cereal”! Because apparently it’s part of an imbalanced breakfast? Not to mention the brands they went with. Nobody but Generation X remembers Franken-Berry and Boo Berry, and hardly any of them would trade their crusty glass bongs for a vape anyway.
#9: The Simpsons
Somewhere in China, a fake vape cart magnate is very, very rich because they thought of Bart Carts. These were everywhere a couple years back.
How random is this? Sure, Fortnite is a popular online shooter, but once again there is no reason to target that demographic unless you’re specifically trying to sell to underage kids. Even if you’re a grown-up gamer (who isn’t?), since when are you going to say, “Ah yes, a brand knocking off Fortnite, I’ll bet they know quality cannabis concentrates”?
In Conclusion, can we knock this crap off at least?
Listen, we’re done preaching to people about what to vape. Vape hot dog water, we don’t care, we just won’t come to the funeral. But you’re an informed adult making a consensual decision. We find all these on the ground at playgrounds and around schools. We can package our drugs, boof or not, in any other way without invoking entertainment franchises.
For instance, you want a vape cart with a politician on it, here you go, go nuts.
Readers, we have a forum where you can share more finds or even enter the occasional giveaway (among 21+ age adults). Join the club here and we’ll learn ya’ stuff about cannabis you never knew you didn’t know.